04/08/2007
-----
http://adhesiveslipper.livejournal.com/1646.html
Happy Easter!
Wait, what does a bunny, Pagan symbol for LUST, have to do with Our Lord And Most Holiest of Holy Saviors Joshua Jesus "The Holy" Christ (Holy)?
Oh, that's right, the Easter celebration had been celebrated for a thousand or so years before Christ was even born to a virgin (Greek word "parthenos". Though, actually, in the original hebraic the word was "almah", which means "Young Woman"; it was mistranslated by the Greeks and then subsequently misquoted by Matthew in his Gospel. Whoops. Sorry if it caused any undue anxiety about sex.)
Wait, why did the Romans all get together on a holiday weekend to execute a bunch of thieves?
Though, when WAS Jesus crucified? Was he crucified the day before the Passover meal was eaten, as John tells us... Or the day after the Passover meal was eaten, as Mark tells us?
Wait, if two of the gospels contradict eachother on something... wouldn't the mean the Bible wasn't the infallible word of God? Let me ask my slaves what they think...
("As for your male and female slaves whom you may have: you may buy male and female slaves from among the nations that are around you." Leviticus 25:44)
Hmm... My slaves didn't know anything, I guess cos I never taught them to read. Well, I suppose it's a GOOD thing the Bible isn't the infallible word of The God, cos that would mean I'm going to Hell for having worked on all these Sabbaths anyhow (The Sabbath is kind of funny too: Jews observe the Sabbath on Saturn's Day, whereas Christians observe it on Apollo, or The Sun's Day. Which day did Yahweh choose to rest on?). In fact, the Bible sort of kind of says that I should be KILLED for having worked on the Sabbath, but hey... don't worry... we have MORALS now that we can use to make a MORAL JUDGEMENT about God's Holy Words. Don't go stoning anybody, cos we're BETTER THAN THE BIBLE NOW.
Hey, you know what I read somewhere? You know who else's mother was a royal virgin and was exectuted on top of a hill??? Oedipus, Theseus, Heracles, Bellerophon, Dionysus... Oh, and remember that whole story about Odin being pierced in the side with a javelin and then being hung from a tree for 9 days and nights whilst being pecked at by ravens before a glorious resurrection after which he possessed even more divine knowledge? Yeah, those are themes consistent with just about every hero myth we know. So, yeah.
So, happy Easter. If you want to keep busy, take on Dan Barker's Easter Challenge... it should be fun and easy for you Christians out there, and an informative way to spend the day. As for me, I'll be coloring eggs and eating chocolate bunnies. And of course, trembling in fear at Jesus McChristy's Great Zombie Uprising! ("The tombs also were opened, and many bodies of the Saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of their tombs after His resurrection they went into the city and appeared to many." Matthew 27:53-54)